Infidelity issues? Blame your — or your mate’s — parents

It’s not a DNA thing, something hardwired into our genetic makeup. Infidelity harkens back to rearing, parenting and how his or her inner child was nurtured as a child, according to a Newsweek article. Article here. An excerpt:

In a nutshell, people whose parents were warm and loving and reliable sources of emotional support tend to be “securely” attached, forming successful adult relationships that are not marred by excessive clinginess or jealousy.

My gratitude to a nurturing father. But I also think there’s more at play. Some people, I think, need some sort of constant validation, a stroke to the ego, if you will. And if I’m right in that, then someone who is insecure or lacks a measure of confidence and autonomy is likely to undermine a relationship looking for those outside-the-relationship ego boosts. And that brings me to a worn cliché that’s worn only because of its accuracy: “People will only treat you as poorly as you allow.”

So if fidelity and stability (which play into each other, I think) are important to you (they are to me), and your partner is neither, I think you’re left with two options: 1) Accuse him or her loudly of the truth, which does nothing but give you a sore throat and a heaping helping of frustration or 2) Refuse to engage in a relationship that takes a toxic turn.

People change if they want to and forgiveness and working things out can happen. But accepting bad behavior and a bad relationship only breeds more of the same, I think. So, from my vantage point, it’s not just a matter of picking someone who’s a good partner and is good for you. It’s also having the self-respect to speak up and reject, if necessary, a relationship that takes a toxic turn and stays there. Think of it as milk gone sour: Yes, it was sweet and full of potential once. But when milk sours, unless you’re making cheese, it will only hurt you and your stomach if you keep drinking it.

Be well.

-Christy

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