The Magic 8 Ball’s guide to politics and life

So much uncertainty, so much jabber, so many questions. But some answers are easy to come by. At least if you ask a Magic 8 Ball. Seems like as good a source as any during these times.

Turning to the 8-Ball, I watch intently for answers to bubble up through the tiny window. And I stow thoughts that the blue stuff looks striking similar to the magic blue in airplane toilets. Stow it. Stow it.

To my burning questions, which follow.

Q: Will Congress pass a bailout plan?

8-Ball: Better not tell you now

Q: Why?

8-Ball: Ask again later

Q: Will Barack Obama win the U.S. presidency?

8-Ball: My sources say no

Q: Will John McCain win the U.S. presidency?

8-Ball: Yes

Q: Will Ralph Nadar win the U.S. presidency?

8-Ball: Don’t count on it.

Q: Do you really think McCain will win?

8-Ball: Most likely

Q: Why?

8-Ball: Signs point to yes

Q: But don’t signs also point to the bathroom?

8-Ball: Outlook good

Q: Do you have any clue what you’re talking about?

8-Ball: It is certain

Q: About elections?

8-Ball: Cannot predict now

Q: So you don’t know who will win.

8-Ball: Outlook not so good

Q: So about that bailout plan. Is Congress going to pass it?

8-Ball: Without a doubt.

Q: Are you sure?

8-Ball: Better not tell you now

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